


This Side of Paradise

by ferosecity



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx Lives, BL, Banana Fish References, Boys In Love, Cute Ash Lynx, M/M, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, POV Ash Lynx, Shounen-ai, Top Ash Lynx
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29864973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferosecity/pseuds/ferosecity
Summary: What it feels like to be loved… to be loved and not expecting anything from you?
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	1. Eiji

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so if you find errors, forgive me.

**This Side of Paradise**

What it feels like to be loved… to be loved and not expecting anything from you?

Words left as I look at the back of my hand. My outstretch arm doesn’t feel any weariness. I sighed and sat up. _I’m hungry._ I haven’t eaten anything since this morning… not even thinking of making a lunch.

I sighed again.

I looked at my watch and lie down. I still have 40 minutes to take a nap. I’ll just sleep it out… the hungry I mean.

The sky is clear, but it’s kinda hot today. Frustrated, I sighed… again.

_I should have bought some chips, or something._

I pick up the book I was reading and continue where I left off. As I read, I remember that I have to work late tonight because I’m going to cover for Shorter’s shift… the thought is exhausting.

The ‘not going to work’ thought is enticing, but I’ll probably get fired, and will not eat for the rest of the week.

That is more troublesome.

“What are you reading?” I was startled, and the book I was reading fell on my face. He laughed. I slowly move the book out of my face and saw a black haired boy, smiling at me.

My lips went dry. I’m sure that even though I skip meals most of the time, I make it sure to drink plenty of water to compensate. So I’m sure I’m not dehydrated. “H-Hey.” I said timidly.

_Why is he talking to me?_

“I saw you went here so I followed you.” My brow raised in confusion… followed? So that means he’s here the whole time? The black haired boy sat beside me and peek at the book on my hand.

“Catcher in the Rye.” He said and his eyes move up to my eyes. His eyes are black too, yet, it’s alive. They were right… black absorb all the color, and his’ did it, so that’s probably the reason why I feel that his eyes are so… prismatic.

I want to slap myself, this is the first time that I describe someone else’s eyes… let alone stare them. “You must love that book.” He said and lie down. “Now I understand why you like it here. It’s quiet.”

“Y-Yeah.” My voice was too quiet. I was just sitting there staring at him. He opened his one eye, and looked at me. “Hmm?”

I felt my cheeks heat up so I look away and cleared my throat. “I’m Eiji.” He said and sat up. He reached for my hand on my side. His hands are soft, and warm. It’s weird that even though it’s hot today, this warm doesn’t make me uncomfortable.

“A-Ash.” I said. I wish I can read what’s on his mind.

“Ash, nice to meet you.” I just nodded my head and he grabbed the book on my hand, “Hey!” he flips the pages, “What are you doing?” His eyes were narrowed, he looks so troubled that it made him look adorable… until his face brightens, he gave the book back and pointed something.

_“Lots of times you don’t know what interests you most till you start talking.”_

“What do you mean by this?” I raised my brow in confusion. He just shook his head and got something on his pocket. “Candy?” he offered. I was about to get one when my stomach hurled.

Eiji chuckled. I felt embarrassed. I don’t even know him but he’s laughing at me as if we’re close. I rolled my eyes, “You haven’t eaten?” I groan and lie down, “I forgot.”

“You forgot? Why didn’t you buy one?”

“Why are you so nosy?” I snapped though I realized that I was rude so I look at him but he’s just smiling, “Want to grab some later?”

_Huh?_ “Why are you talking to me?”

He just shrug his shoulders. To be honest, this isn’t the first time that I met Eiji. It’s just the first time that I talk to him, and _him_ talk to me. It’s just weird. Whenever I see him, it feels like we’re in a different world… we’re the opposite.

I look at my watch and stood up. I shake off the dust on my clothes. I thought that I’ll take this chance to sleep since I have a long night later but this boy decided to interrupt it. “Bye.” I said but he grab my hand.

Which shocked me. “W-What—“

“I’m Eiji.”

“I know! You said it before.” He stood up too, still holding my hand, “Just making you remember it properly, I don’t want you to forget it.” He gave me a candy and went in first. I sighed. _What a day._

Later that evening, the restaurant was packed. I closed the shop at 10pm and head home. As I was putting my laundry on the machine, the candy Eiji gave me fell on the floor.

“How can I forget you? You’re always on my mind since the first time I saw you?” I said and closed my eyes. I squat beside the machine and buried my face on my arms. My heart’s beating so fast.

I hate the fact that I acted like that earlier and now I’m like this.

I feel stupid.

I look at the candy on my hand and unwrap it. “It’s impossible.” I opened it and threw the wrapper in the trash. I watch my clothes as they spin. He gave me strawberry flavored one.

_Is strawberry is his favorite flavor?_

Eiji Okumura.

_I don’t want you to forget it._

“Fool.” I whispered and felt my cheeks heat up.

The next morning is a disaster. I woke up late, and more tired than usual. He’s on my mind the whole night. _Ash, what the hell!_

Whole morning is a nightmare. I’m hungry, and I have this headache. I chugged my bottled water, it’s noon, and it’s hot. I should have just stayed home, and sleep all day.

“Hello!” I frowned, but now, my heart starts to become erratic. Unlike yesterday, it seems like my heart is finally trying to adjust with this proximity, and it’s not calming down! “W-What—“

He’s holding a plastic and gave it to me. “Here, I bought you food. I saw you before eating this so I assumed that you like it.” He gave me a burger but I scowled, “What?”

“Nothing.” I said quietly. I hate burger. “You don’t like it?” He asked, “N-No! It’s fine! Thanks.” probably that was the time that I don’t have any choice but to eat a burger. It was cheap… though Eiji bought me an expensive one.

“Why are you here?” I asked, he starts eating too. “Because you are here.” He said. I wish I could just shut down, because this beating is annoying as hell. All he just said were 4 words yet my heart felt like bursting.

And so what if he said that? It doesn’t have any meaning.

“You don’t have friends?” I asked, impossible. I always see him with different groups, he’s like a ball of sunshine. He can fit in. I don’t. So I don’t understand why he’s here with me. “Aren’t you bored—“ I look at him but my eyes widen when his hand’s reaching on me.

I feel as if I was being paralyzed when his thumb touch the side of my lips. “There’s something on it.” I absent-mindedly flick his forehead. “Ouch!”

“What are you doing?!”

“There’s sauce on your lips!” He pouts and rub his forehead. My face is probably red right now.

-

The headache becomes severe today. I feel so hot yet my place feel so cold. I curled up inside my blanket. I haven’t eaten anything, and I don’t have someone to ask for medicine. This sucks. I probably don’t have the money to buy meds.

I decided to sleep it out and when I woke up, I smell something nice. Something’s cooking. My body’s still weak, and the headache’s still there. “Oh, you’re awake!”

“You?” _What is he doing here?_

I felt his hand on my forehead. It felt nice. He put a damp cloth on it after. “Sorry I went in without your permission. The door isn’t lock, and you didn’t come to school today so I got worried—“

“Why are you here?” I asked, no… this isn’t supposed to happen. Of all people, why is he here? Witnessing this mess. I hate it. “Go home.” I said sternly but he just smiled, “I’ll go after you eat.”

“Just leave it there.”

“I’ll help you out—“

“Please! Leave!” Eiji sighed and stood up. I clenched my fist. This is fine. If he do these things to me, it will only makes me hopeful, there will always be a repercussion. I’m just tired of it. I heard the door closed and a tear fell on my cheek.

Though I was surprised to hear the door open after a while, seeing Eiji holding a plastic. “W-What—“

“I forgot to buy a medicine for your fever.”


	2. Vulnerable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m just tired of people leaving me behind. If I cling on to this tiny bit of hope again, I’d probably crumble down for real.

I covered myself with my blanket. Trying to completely ignore Eiji. This place’s a mess, and so do I. I don’t understand why I feel this way. I just don’t want him to see me in a vulnerable state. I don’t want people to take pity on me.

Especially him.

“Ash… come on. Eat.” He called. I hold the blanket tighter. His voice’s too… comforting. _Don’t make me feel this way…_ “How could I leave you on this state?” I frowned and sat up. I’m glaring at him. “I don’t need another person to feel sorry for me, okay? I can take care of myself. This will pass. I’m used to do this alone—“

But Eiji’s palm touch my cheek.

“You’re flustered, and warm.” He sighed, but then all of sudden, flick my forehead. “The hell man!” He glowered at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat. He’s… angry! Why? I should be the one—

“I don’t feel sorry for you, okay?” He rolled his eyes and place the tray in front of me. “I’m worried about you. This place’s a mess. It will not help take the edge off the fever, and the headache. A clean environment can help.”

The food smells nice. I haven’t eaten since this morning. My stomach is just full of water but having a fever is making me dehydrated still. Eiji just prepared me a porridge, and some sliced fruit. “What? You don’t like it?” He’s still frowning.

“Hmp.” I cocked my head on one side. Still trying to shoo him away. _Man, I’m hungry._

Eiji just shook his head and stood up. I thought that he finally realized and just leave but this boy just started cleaning the whole place. “Eiji, what are you doing?!” I’m so frustrated. Why is he doing this? We just started talking 2 days ago. Why is he acting so familiar?

But instead of his frowning face, he smiled. My heart kind of stop for a second there. “That’s the first time you called my name.” He said while placing the trash that piled up in a plastic. “Stop it! You’re not helping at all!” I reprimanded. He’s giving me more stress.

I rub my temples, trying to rub the headache away. “Just start eating the food. If you keep on bickering, the food will get cold.” He said. My stomach growl again. I feel like the food is trying to inveigle me with its smell. I heave a sigh of defeat and start eating.

Eiji kept on what he was doing. I can’t keep my eyes off of him… He’s washing the dishes now. My apartment is literally a box. Eiji cast a brief look at me. The middle of his forehead wrinkled and walk towards me.

“You’re more flustered than before.” He commented. I pushed him off me, “What the hell do you think the reason is!” I said awkwardly. His face brightened a little, he’s like a kid that suddenly think of a bright idea. “Oh, it’s probably because of the porridge. You feel better now?” He asked.

“O-Of course!” I said. He chuckled and carried the tray I used. He continue with the dishes. “Are you leaving after that?” I asked, the place is much more homey unlike… well, since the day I move here. Eiji has his ways of making one’s home comfortable.

Now I’m curious to know what his room, or even his home looks like.

“I have to check on you before I leave.”

“I feel better, you can actually leave.” I said but he didn’t listen. This boy…

I bit my lower and lie down. The headache seems to calm down but the food I ate just made me feel better to the point of wanting to sleep.

And I did.

I fell asleep. It was a dreamless one.

When I woke up, Eiji was no longer here. It’s also 5AM in the morning. _Man I did sleep well._ I stood up and saw some food covered in my table. There were also medicines for my fever, and vitamins.

**You should probably eat before you go to school from now on. Take vitamins too since you’re always working. See you at school.**

**-Eiji**

My cheeks heated and sat on the chair. I buried my face with my hands. I didn’t expect him to do this to me, let alone talk to me that day. He was so far away from me. I just think of us of not talking. Just existing. Never be involve.

But here he is… and for how long?

I’m just tired of people leaving me behind. If I cling on to this tiny bit of hope again, I’d probably crumble down for real.

I’ve been so interested about him since the first time he transferred here. He’s… he’s always smiling. Like I said, a ball of sunshine to everyone.

Probably the reason why I acted that way when he talked to me that day. It’s the first time that people like him talked to me without any judgment, or at least that’s what I felt.

I went to school, new liver, same eagle.

I walked in to the rooftop and sat on the usual spot. I opened the book that I was reading and after probably 10 minutes, I heard the door open, and saw Eiji wearing a mask. “Hello.” He greeted and sat in front of me.

He’s holding a plastic and gave me sandwich. “Here. Did you bring your medicine?”

Confused, I put his mask down. His nose is red, and eyes are puffy. “Pfft.” I snorted and eventually laugh at his face. He’s sick. “What are you laughing at!” He asked scowling and placing the mask back.

“You were so confident yesterday, and now asking me if I take my medicines. Have you seen yourself?” I shook my head. “Whatever.” He mumbled. I raised my brow and sighed. “If you didn’t do that yesterday, you won’t catch what I had—“

“It was my first time taking care someone who is sick.” I was caught off guard. _Huh?_ He coughed and chugged his bottled water. “What do you mean?”

First time? There’s no way. His actions, and note left were like a nagging mother.

He didn’t meet my eyes and start opening his sandwich. “I just want to take care of you, okay? I didn’t think that I’ll catch the colds. I thought I have a strong immunity.”

“Why…” I also avert my gaze and move it somewhere else besides him. “Do I have to give you another reason?” His voice is irritated. “Of course, we just met—“

“No we are not. I always catch you looking at me—“

“What!?” I asked incredulously. How did he… Eiji is looking at me now. I scratch the back of my neck, “You’re just imagining.” I said and he shook his head. “No. One time I almost fell on the stair and you were there, you caught me.”

“And so?” I remember that… but I thought he didn’t remember… “You run off so fast before I even talk to you.” He rolled his eyes, “That’s just one time!”

“No, when I was trying to buy something at the canteen, there were so many people, the place was packed, I couldn’t get into the front, but you were there, you gave me your food and before I even talk to you of not wanting it because I always see you skip lunch, you were gone again.” He said.

How can he remember these stuff!? “You were always trying to look out for me.”

“Well, I don’t need any compensation—“

“Who said that? I just do what I want, and I want to look after you too.” He finishes his food and stand up. “If you still think that I do these things because I feel sorry for you, it’s not my problem anymore. It’s yours.” He said before leaving me dumbfounded.

The afternoon rolls in and ended the class with me just Eiji filling my mind. My heart always skips a beat whenever his words replay. I shook my head and went into the store to buy for dinner.

But when the cashier told me the total, I was surprised to see that I bought more than what I intended to buy. I sighed…

**You should probably eat before you go to school from now on.**

Yeah right.

I’m on my way home when I saw Eiji walking on the sidewalk. Unlike before, his stance, or posture was different. I can also see that he’s coughing. I was about to call him when he suddenly bump into someone and fell on the ground.

I run towards him. “Eiji?” He open his eyes. “Are you okay?”

‘Yeah—“ He cough. I help him stand up, “Where’s your place?” I ask. I feel bad because Eiji knew my place, but I don’t know his place.

Wait… how did he know my place anyway?

Eiji told me the direction. He’s also living alone but unlike my place, his place is bigger, and as expected, homey. I place him on the bed. I stood up but he grab my arm, “Please, don’t leave.” He whispered. I heaved a sigh. “What do you take me for stupid? Of course I won’t leave you. I’ll just close the door.”

He remove the mask, and for the first time, I saw his vulnerable side too. I clenched my fist but release it. I’m just angry that this side of him would probably be a weapon against me if this keeps going.

I may not be able to keep up with this wall anymore.

Eiji smiled and release my arm.

Damn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continue...


	3. Too Good to be True

I place a wet cloth on his forehead. He’s catching his breath. He’s also flustered. Eiji looks like a child when he’s like this. I heaved a sigh. I feel so bad because I can’t cook… like, I grew up buying instant foods.

I never… tried doing it. It’s a hassle, besides, there were shops where I can buy homemade foods. That’s why, when Eiji cooked for me… I really did appreciate that. I felt my cheeks burned up.

Ugh. Maybe I’m still after all.

But, I did now.

I tried.

Eiji groaned. His round, bonny. eyes slowly open. “Hey.” I called. Eiji blinked several times, probably adjusting his vision. He tried to sit up but I told him not to move because he’s still weak as hell.

“I’m sorry for bothering you, Ash.” I gently tap his cheek, “Seriously?” Because why would he feel sorry after looking after me? “You have work tonight, right?” He asked, and it hit me. My eyes widened, _shit._ “Y-You’re right.” Man, I’m already absent for two days.

“You can go… I think you can still clock in—“ I shook my head. “Like I said, I won’t leave you like this. You look like you were going to die earlier.” I said and stood up. I’ll just look for another job I guess.

I went to his kitchen to get the food I prepared. I didn’t bother to taste it, but…

I place the tray in front of him. “Did you make this?” His voice’s kinda cheery. “Uhm, well…” should I tell him? I help him sit up but his hand is too weak to move so I volunteered to feed him. My heart is beating so fast… for the porridge.

RIP.

But he didn’t react or anything. “D-Did you like it?”

“I can’t taste it.” He said and that made me feel at eased. Well that’s good news, but at the same time, I feel disappointed. I chuckled and continued to feed him. “But still, I’m happy that you cook for me.” He smile weakly but I just flick his forehead. “Ouch!”

“Whatever.” After that, I made him drink his medicines. “I feel sweaty.” He said. I coughed and look at his body. He’s still wearing his uniform. I face palm, what the hell. Okay! I didn’t try to change his clothing.

It feels like I’m trying to… besides, if it is for me, of course that would be… “You’re flustered, I think you’re still sick.” Eiji said, I can see worry on his face. I stood up as fast as I could. “Of course not! I’ll just get your clothes for change.”

I rummage his closet. It’s so neat.

He’s really different from me. I get a green shirt, and a pair of pajamas. I went back and Eiji’s eyes are close. I walk towards him and tap his arm. “Here.” I place the clothes on his lap. I just watch him, trying his hard to remove this polo.

Unbuttoning his shirt like it’s the most difficult thing ever.

It irritates me.

So I push his hands away and did it myself. “You’re so slow.” I mumbled, but when I made it halfway, my hand suddenly stop because in front of me is… I swallow the lump in my throat. I cleared my throat, averting my gaze as I remove his polo.

I pick up the green cotton shirt. He smell of sweat, and Eiji. It’s… it smell so… hot. “Ash, I think you’re still sick.” He said, “Of course not!” I threw the pajama on his face and stood up. “Do it yourself this time!”

He pout and did it anyway. It took him 5 minutes or more.

I told him to rest, “Are you staying?” He asked. His eyes, even though he’s sick, there’s wonder, on those orbs. “Will you let me?” I asked, frowning. He smiled and scoot, trying tot give me space.

He’s sick, right?

I awkwardly sit beside him. “You know, I can sleep on the sofa.”

“It’s too small for your frame, besides, this is much more comfortable.” He said. “Are you scheming or something?” I raised my brow but his face turned innocent the moment I asked that, “N-No.”

“Whatever.” I lie down. Funny how calm my heart is. I peek on Eiji, he’s looking at me. “W-What?”

“Nothing. Tell me something.” He said. “I can’t. Go to sleep.”

“Please?”

“What do you want me to tell you?”

“Childhood.” I look at Eiji, waiting for me to say anything. I heaved a sigh. He’s not giving up, is he? “I have a brother but he died while on duty.”

“Hmm? Is he a soldier?”

“Yeah, you can say that.” I said, looking at the ceiling. “My brother is all I have, he’s always looking after me, but I guess I don’t deserve to have someone like him in my life.”

“Why would you say that?” his voice’s quiet.

“My father’s an alcoholic, he hates my guts ever since my mother left us… I don’t really have any idea where she is though. I don’t even remember her face. I runaway after years of—“ I stop and look at Eiji, he’s already sleeping.

I sighed and turned to face him. He’s all better than before.

“I’m here…” he whispered. My eyes widened but realized that he’s sleep talking. I chuckled, “Don’t worry. I’m here now.” I smirked and removed the hair on his face, exposing his adorable face. “Really?” I whispered back, still smiling.

He groaned and turned his back. I shook my head. _Too good to be true._ I looked at the ceiling and close my eyes.

That was the most peaceful night I ever had.


	4. Ignored

Eiji recovered but he still have colds so he kept the mask on. We still hang out during lunch and to be honest, it feels nice having him around even though he’s talking non stop, sharing unnecessary things.

Though today he’s not talking and his eyes are focus on his phone.

I just didn’t mind him and kept reading but the silence is killing me. Comfortable silence has its timing, but this silence is uncomfortable. _God, something is wrong. Am I really that comfortable of him just talking all the time that this silence felt so uninvited?_

“What are you doing?” I asked nonchalantly, trying my make my voice as monotonous and focusing my eyes on my book. Eiji just kept scrolling on his phone. “Just something.” He said and leaned on my shoulder.

“H-Hey! It’s too hot. Stop leaning—“

“Ash.” He turned to face me, and our face are inches away, but it seems like it doesn’t bother him as much as I am, so I just keep my cool. His… his breath touched my face. I felt my cheeks heat up. “What?”

“There’s this new restaurant looking for a part timer, it’ll be open next week.” He said, smiling. My eyes aren’t moving at all. It’s fixed on his face, his brow raised in confusion. How could he stay calm like this? Like this close to me?

But I remembered that I am the only one who’s putting malice on everything. I avert my gaze and look at the screen he was pointing. “It’s a fast food restaurant.” I said, “Yeah, since you got fired from your previous job, I think this will do.”

Oh… so all this time he’s inquiring.

For me.

I mean, it was his fault anyway that I got fired since I had to take care of him… but still… at the same time it was also mine for not listening to him and staying to look after him. He was like a sick puppy that night, how could I leave him alone? 

“So?” His eyes, just like before, it has wonder in it. I hate that I love the spark on his eyes. It’s like an orb full of hopes. “I’ll think about it—“

“No, I’ll go with you.”

“Huh? Do you even have to?”

“I want to work there with you too.”

“What are you talking about?” i rolled my eyes, this boy is too much. “You don’t need to work, you can go by, unlike me, I need to work for my expenses—“ Eiji shook his head and closed the book I was reading. “Hey! I’m not yet done!”

“I just want to try working, okay? It’s not as if I don’t know what to do.” I sighed, “And what’s the reason for this? Hmm?”

“Well, to try and be with you after school, not only during lunch.” My eyes widened… his mouth really don’t have filter. I avert my gaze. I buried my face with my arms. “W-What are you saying? Are you already fixated about hanging out with me!?”

I heard Eiji chuckled and patted my head. My heart just keep on beating… I think it’ll explode any moment. Eiji and his words, and touch. I hope that these gestures of him don’t have any meaning at all. It’s too much for me.

“Ash, come on.” He’s poking my arm, my face still buried on my arms. I have to calm down.

1… 2… 3—

He rested his head on my shoulder again.

“Is it weird?” He asked, his voice’s low. “What?”

“Me, wanting to be with you all the time?”

“Y-Yeah!” he chuckled again, “I don’t think it’s weird… I just do what I want, and it’s comfortable.”

We were both interviewed and got hired. Though both of us will just serve the customer which is fine with me but I’m a little bit worried about Eiji because I think being behind the cashier would be fine for him. “Are you sure that you can do this?” I asked Eiji as we enter the changing room.

He’s smiling from ear to ear, “Yeah! I mean, I just have to copy what you do and survive.” I furrowed my eyebrow, “Huh?” Eiji removed his top. I quickly turned my back and start undressing my top.

“Wow, muscles!” i was startled when Eiji poked my back. “What the hell Eiji!?” I stammered and back away. He laughed, “I didn’t see much when I was changing your clothes when you were sick, but right now, I can see how defined they are.” He said.

He’s already on his uniform. _THIS BOY DOESN’T HAVE ANY SHAME AT ALL!_

I grab the cap and put it on his head. “Shut up and get ready!”

I turned my back. I can’t help but to smile a little. I think working, and lifting heavy things paid off, huh? I shook my head.

Since this is the opening day of this restaurant, it’s busier as expected. I kept looking at Eiji’s direction and find myself smiling on how fast he could cope up with this job. The bell chimes and two boys entered.

“Langa, what are you going to buy?” A red haired boy asked his companion. I assisted them to the available sit but it seemed like the boy who entered before these two was with them. “Miya!” The red haired boy called the person sitting beside the window.

“Ash! Table 5!”

“Got it!” I was kind of shock of how massive this order, and it belongs to the two boys earlier. “Langa, that’s too much!” Miya, as the red haired boy called him, said. _It is too much!_

“I need this. I am a growing boy after all.” He said. The red haired boy shook his head but still smiling. The sight of him eating this much, and the worse, it’s burgers. I leave them be and went to attend the other customer.

The time went by and it’s already time to go home.

Eiji is sitting on the bench inside the changing room. We were the ones to ask to close the shop. “Are you okay?” I asked and Eiji lifted his head and smiled, a tired one, “Yeah. I really enjoyed it.”

I smiled and sat beside him. I patted his head but he rested his on my shoulder. “To think that you work five times a week and sometimes you got two jobs is unbelievable.” He mumbled. I look at his face. His eyes are close.

I chuckled. “So, you going to quit?” I mean, I won’t judge him. It’s not his forte after all.

“No.” He open his eyes and look at mine. “It made me admire you even more.”

I keep tossing around on my bed, admire… me?! I scratched my head. “What am I going to do with you?” I said as I stare at the ceiling.

The morning came. I was sleep deprived.

I was yawning the whole time though luckily, I still got high scores with all of my quizzes. “The one who got the highest score, Ash. Again.” Our teacher called. I just don’t see the point of announcing the scores.

It’s just numbers.

I won’t deny that I have high grades, one time people got suspicious about me cheating, but then they got over it after I got the first place of over all examination for our batch. That day of examination was strict as hell.

All eyes on me.

I didn’t care. I finished quite early, and slept waiting for my classmates to finish their papers.

Lunch came and I was ready to head on to the roof top when a girl suddenly popped in front of me, my brows furrowed. “H-Hi, Ash.”

“Uh, hey.” It’s the first time that I talk to her, I don’t even know her name, but she asked me to tutor her. _Troublesome._

“Please, Ash! You’re my only hope! I have to pass.” She plead, “I will provide for you lunch, please!”

Oh, free meal. I heaved a sigh of defeat, “Fine.” She squealed. “Come on!”

“What?! Now?”

“Well, final examination is around the corner so as much as possible I have to study early. Come on.” She grabbed, and dragged me back to my seat.

The girl brought two bento. _She really planned this._

We spent the entire lunch of me tutoring her about Math. Teaching is more tiring than learning to be honest.

When it was time to go home, I went straight to the restaurant. Eiji was already there.

“Hey, Eiji.” He didn’t even look at me. I was confuse as hell. He just walked past me. Not even giving me a single glance.

_Is he ignoring me?!_


	5. Tired

“Hey, Eiji. Let me help you.”

“No thanks.” He said carrying lots of used plates. I scratched the back of my neck. What is wrong with him?! We were just fine last night! He even said… he admired me. I shook my head and stole a glance.

Eiji’s smiling while taking someone’s order. Come to think of it? I haven’t seen him today. Oh yeah… I tutored someone, but it’s impossible that he got pissed about that, right? Did I do something wrong? Or say something that offended him?

“Ash! Table 3!”

“Coming!”

When it was time to close up, I washed the dishes quickly because Eiji was assigned with disposing the trash. I ran and went into the changing room but he wasn’t there anymore. “Tsk.” I heaved a sigh. I have to talk to him tomorrow.

I scratched my head and buried my face in my pillow. I couldn’t eat dinner. Somehow, this day seemed patchy. Is he tired of me? I know that I am stingy sometimes but… I closed my eyes and succumbed to slumber. Night was anything but dull.

“Ash, here.” The girl I tutored yesterday handed me the bento. “Can I pass today?” I asked. I have to talk to Eiji. She pouts, “But Ash, please! Just this week. I need your help.” She pleaded. This is so troublesome.

I nodded my head and went on with it. “Eiji!” I quickly turned my head and saw Eiji with someone. We’re not in the same class, though they were handling some papers to one of my classmates. I was hoping to catch his gaze but he didn’t. After they gave the paper, he turned his back and left.

I furrow my eyebrow. I’m kind of pissed right now. I’ll talk to him later whether he likes it or not.

So when the class ended, I went straight to the restaurant and Eiji was already in his uniform. I clench my fist and went to changing room. I just observe him today. He’s making himself busy by cleaning, washing, or just talking to someone but me.

Now, I’m angry.

If he has a problem with me, he could just talk me!

When it was closing time. I asked someone to fill my duty. Since Eiji will probably rush out of this building, might as well wait for him before he could escape.

I waited outside and he was shocked when he saw me leaning against the wall beside the door. He frowned and started to brisk walk. “Eiji.” I called. He’s still ignoring me. I grabbed his arm. “H-Hey!”

“What is wrong with you?” I asked angrily. He avert his gaze. “Nothing.”

“Nothing? You’ve been ignoring me since yesterday. You’re avoiding me!”

“I’m not! Now let me go!” I tightened my grip. “If you’re tired of me, just tell me! Don’t just start ignoring me.” I let him go. “I’m tired of people like you.” I hissed at him and left. I threw my bag and went straight to bed.

I hate that he’s like that. He’s so confusing. If he has problems, why can’t he just say it straight to me? He’s so cruel. I felt a tear and wipe it quickly. This is why I hate that I kind of become attached to him.

This is why I’m so afraid of crumbling my walls down.

Am I back to square one?

I curled myself up.

When the morning rolls in, just like any other morning, it’s annoying. I force myself to go to school, tutor that girl, and to work. Eiji was there but what’s the point?

When I got home I realized that I haven’t eaten anything today. Even though that girl brought me something to eat, it felt so dull. I don’t have the appetite at all. I let myself fell on my bed and grab the book I was reading today.

I was surprised when someone knocked on my door. I looked at the clock, it’s already 11pm. I groaned and stood up. _Who is it?_

When I open the door, I saw Eiji, looking down. I frowned. “What are you doing here?” He bit his lower lip. “Who was that girl?”

“Huh?”

“That girl you’re talking to every lunch. Who is she…” His voice’s becoming smaller, “I don’t know.” His brow furrowed. “What do you mean? You’re always together.” He said and I rolled my eyes. I literally don’t know her name!

I know I’m good with school, but I hate remembering names.

“Whatever. So why are you here?” I asked raising my one brow. He lowered his head again. “I… are you angry?” He asked. “Yes.”

“Oh…” he scratched the back of his neck, “Uh, do you… hate me?” I didn’t reply quickly. Hate him? I don’t think I hate him. He was just so confusing that I became angry.

I was thinking of what to say when I saw he shed tears. My eyes widened, “W-Wait, why are you crying?!” I asked incredulously. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to avoid you. It’s just that… I waited for you 2 days ago, and you ditched me. You were also having fun with someone else. Some girls. I saw how she looked at you—“

“E-Eiji—“

“Please don’t hate me… Ash.” I grab his collar and pull him inside. It’s already late, and I have neighbors. It’s also cold outside. Eiji’s nose is puffy from crying. Even his eyes. Somehow that made my cheeks heat up.

_You’re so fucked up, Ash._

He lowered his head again, “I’m sorry. Please, don’t get tired of me.” He whispered and I absent-mindedly hug him. He’s so cold. “Why didn’t you wear your jacket?” I asked, he buried his face in my chest. I sighed, “I’m angry, but I don’t hate you, silly.”

I patted his head. “Just don’t do that again, okay? I hate it when you did that.” He nodded his head, “Have you eaten?” He shook his head. I chuckled. “Well, we have to go to convenience store to buy.”

“I brought food.” He said and pull away. He get his bag and open it. He bought take outs. I finally feel hungry. Eiji prepared the table and we’re eating in silence. He’s still not meeting my gaze so I slightly kick his leg. “Hey, I said I don’t hate you.”

“I know.”

“So why are you so awkward?” I asked and I finally saw those hopeful orbs… “I just missed you that seeing you feel so overwhelming.” I felt my cheeks heated. I flick his forehead. “Ouch!”

“You are really shameful!” I said, stammering. “But I’m just saying the truth… Is it weird?”

“Of course!” I said, frowning. But my heart is shouting that it’s not. It’s celebrating hearing those words… no I’m the shameful one.

“Anyway, are you still going home? It’s already midnight.” I said. If he said yes, I’ll just walk him home and lend him my jacket. It would be a problem if he’ll to catch colds again.

“Oh… you don’t want me to stay?” I flicked his forehead again. “Did I say that?!”

“You’re always flicking my forehead, one of these days, I’ll become stupid or dumb.”

“Then I’’ll just tutor you.” Eiji finally smiled at me. My heart skipped a beat. “Really?” His face brightened even more when I said, “Yeah, I’ll tutor you instead of that girl.”

“Can we start tomorrow?:

“Hey, hey. You’re so hasty.” I chuckled. Yeah, I’ll just decline that girl tomorrow… this smile… it keeps me going. I’d rather spend my time with him than anyone else.

We take turns with the shower. It’s already quarter to 2am when we finished cleaning up. “Well, you take the bed, I’ll just sleep on the floor.”

“N-No, I’ll take the floor.”

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m used to it—“ he shook his head. “I’ll just take the floor.” Eiji grabs the thick blanket and lie down on the floor. This boy! I pulled him up and tuck him in to my bed. I lie beside him. “Sleep.” I said frowning. “Are you okay?”

Of course not! Unlike the first time we slept together, right now, Eiji is sobered, he doesn’t have a fever. He doesn’t have any excuses to be this… adorable. “Stop talking, and sleep.”

“Hmm…” Unlike his bed, mine is too narrow. I can feel his body against mine. Thankfully it’s cold tonight. His skin is so soft… what the hell? “Ash?”

“What?”

“Can I hug you?”

“What wrong with you?” I look at him, his eyes are so big. “I’m cold.” He said and I groaned. I face him. I slowly reach him with my arm. I hope this heart can hold itself up, and don’t explode. Eiji’s arm tightened around me.

“Good night, Ash.” His voice vibrated against my chest.

I’m afraid that he’s probably hearing my heart pounding.


	6. Osculation

_Ahh…_ why did I forget to close the blinds properly? The sun is hitting my eyes. I clutch the pillow I was hugging tightly. It’s weekend, for heaven’s sake. I hate this sun. “Hmm.” I heard a soft sough…

There is a light prod of hairs on my neck. Until it dawned on me. My eyes opened, and slowly, land my eyes on the boy I’m squeezing. His back’s doing a rise and fall, his one arm’s around me. His face buried in my chest. His leg between mine.

It was as if we’re glued together.

Eiji…

My face burned, my heart raced, my whole body froze.

I know what I did last night, but I didn’t expect to find myself still clinging to him, and him to me.

_Should I push him?_

_Should I wake him up?_

_Ah! I don’t know what to do!_

Did I really stay in this position for the whole entire night? Just… to make him feel comfortable? Fuck. I’m really fucked. I clench my fist but release it. What’s the point of arguing first thing in the morning? There is no point, _at this point._

I heaved a sigh and smell his hair.

He smells like my shampoo. I buried my face on his hair. It’s so soft. Eiji’s soft. I tighten my arms around him. He’s warm… even though the sun streams into my window, it’s a cold morning.

It’s a peaceful one.

I smiled…

This is the first time that I wake up smiling… I hate morning.

I really want to close my eyes, but the thought of not witnessing this is a waste. His frame is smaller, huh, I’m taller. I smirked and curled his hair with my finger. I wish I could see his face. I mean I already saw him sleeping when he was sick, but this time, it’s different.

Also, he’s always the first one to wake up, like when I was sick and fell asleep, he was gone the moment I woke up, and when I slept in his room when he was sick, he woke up first and saw him cooking _for me_.

I scolded him that time.

Eiji do things for me more than I do things for him. He always makes sure that I’m attended before him… it feels like he’s spoiling me, it’s contradicting. I hate it when he does that, but I know somewhere deep, at the back of my mind, that I like it.

I slowly perch my hand on his back again. Unlike my body, he has lesser muscle, though it didn’t make him look weak, not at all. I can already see Eiji as an adult… he’s probably going to grow more. More defined feature.

More handsome. More popular.

Are we still friends when that time comes? I would probably hate it when Eiji becomes popular. I understand why he was pissed that I ditch him. It sucks. Would Eiji ditch me someday? For someone? The thought is unnerving.

I was busy stroking his hair, looking at the distant when something poke on my chin. Eiji’s big, round eyes were staring at me. I was speechless, I don’t know what to say.

Eiji smiled, “Good morning.” The first right thing to do is greet him, right? Why did I just stare at his lips? His brow raised in confusion. “Ash. Come on, wake up. Are you still dreaming?” I flicked his forehead and we both sat up.

Eiji stretch his limbs. “Ah, that was a nice sleep. Right, Ash?” I avert my gaze, “How should I know? You were clinging to me all night.”

“Oh,” he chuckled, “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He stood and please, God, have mercy. I just realized that he’s also wearing my clothes. It seems like the realization of what happened last night came rushing back to me.

Is this the feeling you get when someone you’re interested with is wearing your clothes? “What do you want to eat?” Eiji asked. The shirt he’s wearing hung low and I saw his collar bone. I quickly stood up and hurriedly went to the bathroom.

Eiji is waiting for me to finish before we start with our breakfast. I tried to forget the image of Eiji wearing my clothes, and what I did inside the bathroom. It’s like I did some crime. I’m so ashamed of myself.

Time went by inconspicuously, I’m becoming more, and more comfortable around him. He went home around afternoon, the apartment kind of feel empty after that. Like I said, Eiji talks nonstop. It feels like he was filling this void.

When weekdays came, for some reason, the lost energy that I am looking for, for a long time, finally came back. I can’t wait to see his face.

The class started and I was just staring at the corridor, I sighed. I wish its lunch time already. But then I saw Eiji walks by, his eyes met mine, he smiled and waved at me. I rolled my eyes that made him laugh.

“I’m sorry… I can’t tutor you from now on. Please understand.” I said to the girl when it’s lunch time. I decided to talk to her privately since I don’t want anyone to hear this. I still respect her, and her privacy to keep this between us.

If Eiji was right of her looking at me differently, then I guess it would be a problem if someone heard this and make stories that I rejected the girl. I also don’t want Eiji to think that. He’s really observant.

I went to the roof top and saw Eiji leaning against the wall, staring at the sky. “Yo.” Eiji pat the space beside him and showed me the food he brought. After we eat, I said that I could tutor him now but he said later.

I groaned, “You’re confusing, you said you wanted it today.” I absent-mindedly lie my head on his lap. But then I realized though he stop me from sitting up and said, “You could sleep, we still have 30 minutes, I’ll wake you up.”

I pushed the thought of awkwardness and close my eyes, though it didn’t make me fall asleep. Well, at least, I’m using his lap. Until I felt Eiji’s hand touched my cheek. Caressing it so delicately.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, and I swear to all Gods, It feels like the time just stop when his lips touches my lips. He didn’t put much pressure on it, but enough to make me feel that it was.

My eyes shot up, but my body froze.

Eiji slowly pull away but his eyes widened when he saw that I’m still awake.

“Y-You’re awake—“


End file.
